The Intern Incident
by Anthiena
Summary: A bizarre fic that really bends the rules!
1. IntroVoyuer

The Gorillaz Intern Incident

I do not own Gorillaz. I just own the plot and the original characters. (Ame and Carol for your information.) Somewhat influenced by "Things to Do When You're Dead…." At http/ -Enjoy both stories (and Chia's comic!). If you know Gorillaz, you will know what to expect. This is _quite_ a departure for me-a mix of dark comedy and light drama. (Sounds weird but hey-it's true.) Also another note: While Ame doesn't know who Rebecca/Tank Girl is, I do.

PS- To my Utena Forever Fans, that story is on hold until I finish it. Thank you much for your patience.

-Cassie

Chapter 1: Intro Vouyeur of all Sorts

It was fairly early and I grinning over the moment to come: The often daily ejecting of the girls that had spent a night in Murdoc's 'bago. They would be deeply disappointed and angry but raving about the incredible night they had. Idiots. Imbeciles. The one thing they should be thankful for is that they is that they don't have to work with him everyday-which I do. I smiled. This was one of those things I rather liked about working as an intern for the Gorillaz: The simple joys of watching the band members work and play; or make an idiot of himself as 2-D and Murdoc are wont to do quite often. 2D on account of his brain-damaged stupidity and Murdoc on account of his near-constant parade of girls and his barely there, over-inflated ego.

I heard loud yelling and blatant swearing and prepared myself for the treat to come. "Get out of my 'bago and don't come back!" There was only one chick this time. She scurried off in a hurry and I muffled a chuckle.

Gotta love the little things. I sure do.

I took off, beating a hasty retreat. I briefly wondered if the sodder heard me, but it didn't matter much to me. It was all the same to me, day in, day out. The little things we interns do… we take bets on how many times they argue, have a drinking or wizzing contest or the like.

I'm originally American, believe it or not. Most think I'm either Japanese or just a chick from the same area as Murdoc. Hate to disappoint them, but I claim Minnesota, US of A as my port of call. I used to have this real monotonous voice and as I picked up the accent and expressions I was around most (or noticed more from a certain point of view) my voice became more melodic and sing-song-y. (Did I just sound like 2D? Oh Gods…)

As a result, I can spout what I'm almost sure is profanity and insults in broken Japanese and a slew of Satanic remarks-though I am not Satanist-I'm Wiccan! …among other things. Kill me now if I mention anything about a melodica.

Now then-who am I? (Besides a very bored intern?) My name is Ame, as in "ah-may". It means "rain" in Japanese. I happen to have black hair and have American Indian features and I'm kind of short, so many people thought I was Asian for my first month here, even though I have blue eyes. For a while I was called "Chop-Suey" but it got on both Murdoc and Noodle's nerves, so they got scared into not doing that. Murdoc was charged on what happened, but was acquitted. I won't go into it, but he must have been really ticked about it-though why is beyond me. Who gives a flayed whammy about a foreign intern?

I guess that was about the time I started watching Murdoc fool around. Soon enough, I was chatting with the girls, steering away the under-aged or the just plain crazy ones. He never gets more than two girls a night anymore, but there haven't been as many restraining orders put out recently and no lawsuits on _that_ account in a while.

_Moving on here_… I got into the mixing room a little early, as I always do and Carol, the Skinbird look-alike that runs things as loose and smoothly as possible, was already there. Much like 2D, she was a chain-smoker. I don't think that I have ever seen her without a lit cigarette… somebody once said that she looked like a red-haired Tank Girl. Though a likely comparison, I have no idea who or what Tank Girl is. "Ready for set up, Ame? Early as usual, I see. I really would like to see the look on the face of the bonehead who tried to call me a Skinbird yesterday. My, I let 2D have it." She chuckled.

"Angering the in-house engineer with no taste can dangerous but fun." I said faux-sagely. "I heard a couple of chuckles about that."

"Didn't really bother me, you know. I was just in a bad mood. I've heard it many times before." She grinned. "Just a little fun, you know."

"I'm wondering if Murdoc will notice the staff or if he has scruples I have yet to see."

"I'm betting on this week. Today I'll get double if he makes his move on one of us. He has no scruples about his love life."

"Yeah. Glad to know that while he's a fiend, he's not a total weirdo about that. No teen for him!" I chuckled.

"With Noodle around, we would have found out. While he is indeed a deviant, he isn't _that_ kind of deviant."

"Now let's start talking about something else. Gossip while fun, can only be overheard." We kept giggling over the chat but hey-it was fun.

It was four hours later after all the dull work for set-up was finished when the other crews came in and a half hour after that when the band came in. I could hear everything, as I stayed in the studio rather than go back to the flat I had rented nearby.

Not that I used it often-I am a complete insomniac, but I can run on four hours of sleep. Only 2D could beat me at insomnia. The other band members are so unfortunate. Murdoc looked like he had stayed up all night and had used the four hours between when I saw him kick out the girl and now as naptime. He was very obviously in a foul mood, scowling at everybody and growling.

It was a rather dull day, just everyday things I have seen a million times until it was time to go home for the interns. The four other interns then came up to me. Only Devin was here as long as me, and I had been kind of shy like Carol, so we didn't talk to many people. "All the interns are quitting. This place is creepy, the people here are rude and I don't want to be a zombie." Devin told me, looking fairly frightened. "You should leave with us back to America!"

I laughed at him. I couldn't help it. "I don't want to be a zombie either, but I'll stay. Looks like you've seen too many of 2D's zombie movies." I chuckled again.

"Suit yourself, Chop-Suey." He shrugged.

"Before you go, I have something to say." I had a clear image and the words I wanted to say in my head, too. "First of all, here is my reply to the suggestion that I quit and go back to America. Read between the lines, you spineless jerk." He narrowed his eyes, exasperated. "I'm not done yet." I said as he turned his back on me.

"So what else do you want to say?" He asked dryly.

"I like working here. If you can't handle it, go back to your cookie-cutter life and get yourself a cookie-cutter job, find yourself a cookie-cutter wife so you can have a cookie-cutter marriage and kids who I hope are nowhere as boring and scared as you to live a little. That way, you can wonder why you have nothing memorable about yourself. Me, I'll remember this time and smile and say I had one hell of a life. What will you say?"

He said nothing. He just walked away in a huff. I would never see him again, but I don't mind about that. What happened the next day is where the story really begins….

NEXT Chapter: The Watcher in Action  
Ame's story continues. Yet another ordinary day ends with an extraordinary night.

If you would like the Non-edited version, request it in your review. Mostly, I just edit the swearwords….


	2. The Watcher in Action

The Intern Incident

I do not own Gorillaz, only Carol, Ame and um… you'll see who else.

Sorry about the long wait. I absolutely detest Spring Break and um… I did those two one-shots. The hard copy is done. The story is set in stone now and the sequel is in the planning/research stage of things. I wanted to do a few possible sequels, but that isn't really panning out like I thought it would-I've hit a end on the "bad" ending and I have to do a lot of research yet on the "good" ending... but relax-the "real" ending is set up for all once the main story is done... one hint: EZBoards and a "third round" of interns... too bad no actual work will get done! Yes, I know that Murdoc's back window is covered by the Jolly Roger… just go with it, dammit!

CONTEST: Spot as many pop/internet references as you can. Give a first name and whether you're a boy or girl. The winner gets a cameo! References to Gorillaz appearances count, too! –Anthiena

Chapter 2: Last Living Souls/The Watcher in Action

Life certainly sucked for Carol. She silently blew out a cloud of smoke and got back to writing her four-letter-worded letter of complaint to the university that had sent the interns-only two of whom actually _attended_ the university even and now all but one had given their two-week's notice... two weeks ago... and had spent the last two weeks trying to talk the last on into quitting too. Ame did well enough to tell them sod off about it, in Carol's opinion. She was glad the petty annoyances were gone though; it gave her a chance to focus on her job.

...not to mention that she could now reserve her ire for the dim-witted 2D and the amoral amorous Muds; Russel had a half-sure grip on reality and Noodle was highly professional. It was more than anyone could say about the other two. As for poor Ame, who would have to do a job meant for four people on her own, she didn't know a lot really. She knew that she was America, liked to gossip but was mindful of others and had been picked on a bit by the other interns. One particularly annoyed ex-intern had spray-painted "SOD OFF CHOP SUEY" on one of the doors to the carpark where Murdoc's infamous Winnebago was parked.

She put out her cigarette, dug for her pack and proceeded to light another. She was a chain-smoker-had been for years and was not sorry about it. It wreaked hell with her voice and made sure she would never run a marathon, but she persisted. She signed the letter and took a drag off her cigarette, leaning back. The strawberry-shaped clock nearby ticked away the seconds as she closed her eyes in a rare moment of peace. She dimly heard a door open and shut and the animals in the next room trade stale one-liners with a clever, ironic comedienne. She put the letter into an already stamped envelope and hid it in a drawer, than exited the studio and saw Ame. The always came early and left late. She was probably sleep-depraved but somehow didn't look it; she just looked like she thought that everything was funny and probably did. Despite what others said, Carol did not mistake Ame for anything but an American. "Asian-looking, yes but definitely not Asian." She muttered quietly to herself.

It was much later when the band came in to jam. A song was taking shape but something had flustered 2D bad enough that he had difficulty coming up with a decent set of lyrics to fit the song or the fancy of the other band members and the short-tempered Murdoc had already gone through two packs of cigarettes, attempting to reign in the urge to strangle his lead singer and keys man. He played his own bass contribution simply and rather understated-almost minimalist, mostly going for the effect of rattling a neighbor's window if played loudly on the right stereo system. It worked well enough that 2D followed it when he came up with his half-nonsense lyrics from time to time. Ame herself was nodding along with the music, mouthing words.

There did it without 2D's vocals to let him think of decent lyrics, but a warm vaguely American, vaguely British girl's voice sang clearly in a deep soprano.

Bubblegum days and margarita nights Mindless zombies drawn by the city lights You can't help it-turn away Head back to the life you will always regret The night's full of still music and there's my bet It's waiting to move-come away It's a mental world; come and face it It's sanity's end! You won't take it Then reality comes crashing down 2D took it from there, his writer's block lost. The band played it again, only with 2D singing Ame's exact words. After a long argument between Murdoc, 2D and Russel, they decided to call it "Reality Comes crashing Down" and the boys took a much-needed break. Noodle sat alone in the studio with Ame, retuning her guitar. She looked at Ame with a smile. "Thank you. What is your name?" 

"Ame; I'm the last intern standing." She smiled ironically.

"I will make sure that you get credit for your collaboration. It was a lot less trouble than Search for a Star."

"I laughed when I noticed that it was a picture of 2D and Paula that won in the pictre category. How ironic."

Noodle said nothing. She just finished tuning the guitar. Ame seemed to realize something and blushed. "I'm sorry. I knew there was trouble because of her and… er… Russel kicking her out was how you got in. I am really sorry. That was thoughtless of me…" Ame rambled nervously.

Noodle struck a B sharp chord. "That is okay. It was done before I came." Noodle grinned at Ame. "I think it is funny too."

Ame looked at her, incredulous; then they both started laughing. "You had me." She guffawed. "You really had me!"

When the boys came back, they went back to writing more music and when they went off to party, all were in a good mood and the girls were already all over Murdoc when both Carol and Ame decided to show up. A woman with definite Mediterranean features and tanned olive skin had decided to pay a grinning Stuart Tusspot a night's tribute. The woman looked like some kind of star to Carol but she didn't say anything to 2D about it. If he was lucky, she'd leave before Muds had a shot at her. Carol herself was attracted, so she knew Murdoc would pull a one-nighter with the woman if he could.

Ame chatted up a storm with Noodle while drinking a lot of mixers while Carol drank with Russel. They all had a lot in common and both grinned when Ame stumbled over finally. "You two would make a great couple, you know…" She was slurring… mixers got you drunk fast if you didn't know what you were doing…. And it seemed that Ame didn't.

"Sorry to tell you both, but I'm quite happily gay. I happen to go for the pretty girls like yourself." Carol smiled into her drink.

Ame just laughed it off. "Shame for you that I'm happily straight. It's a good thing that the guy I'm into is unhappily bi. I gotta check out those girls before Muds gets to them; I think they're underage and Murdoc has had a lot more to drink than me."

She stumbled off in search of the girls as both Russel and Carol watched her go. Murdoc himself left not five minutes later. Russel sighed. "I have a bad feeling about this."

It was just as well; Ame caught up to the girls in Murdoc's Winnebago. "Show me you IDs girls, now." She ordered them.

"You're drunk." Commented one girl bravely in disgust. "We don't have to."

"I _work_ here. Show me now or I kick you out regardless."

Both flashed cards. "We're not afraid of you." The brave girl glared at Ame.

"Oh, _really_?" Even drunk, her aim was good and she wasn't to hit. Both yelled and ran out of the Winnebago and out of the carpark. Ame watched them go through

the grimy back window to make sure. "What the hell were those two thinking? Sixteen! I don't think a judge would believe that alcohol clouded his mind enough for that." She muttered, disgusted.

She had turned around when she heard a low chuckle and the sound of the 'bago door opening and shutting. "Well it looks like those two girls lost their interest, eh? How about you? A one-night only performance in the Love Shack on wheels suit your fancy" He chuckled again, reeling drunk.

"Wait a minute Muds," she slurred, her hands held out before her; "This isn't what you think!"

"So you weren't going to rob me?"

"Er…. No…" drawled Ame with a look on her face like when Noodle had decided to hell with the silent treatment earlier in the day.

"How about these silk sheets…? Mmm, mmm, mmm…"

"I guess I should be careful of what I say… but what the hell." She peeled off her shirt and smirked at Murdoc. No more intelligible words were spoken between the two that night. They were both far too drunk and busy to talk.

Next: Persona Non Grata

The morning after…


	3. Persona non Grata

The Intern Incident

Note: I will no longer have to deal with an inferior machine in inferior circumstances and I shall now have more time to type on this story. The hard copy version has been finished for weeks; it was finished before I even typed up Chapter 2! It took me that long. I will vent elsewhere, however and so on with the show. Remember: This is just the first act.

Chapter 3: Kids with Guns/Persona non Grata

It was still dark when Ame awoke with the granddaddy of headaches and blurry vision. She blinked to attempt to clear her vision and realized that she was all over some guy and said guy was snoring lightly pretty much on top of her... and they were both naked. She smelled the distinct odors of both strong alcohol and hot and heavy action. She also felt faint but sharp pains in prime hickey spots that she figured might be bites. She also saw a few welts and a bright hickey on the guy. Looked like they both liked it rough.

Her muddled senses cleared enough to vaguely recognize the man she had apparently slept with just as she realized that she wasn't in her shitty studio apartment in Essex. Her blood ran cold as both name and location registered: _Murdoc Niccals. Winnebago._

She had blacked out much of the night. She recalled downing a few fruit coolers then shotgunning Jack Daniels and Southern Comfort. When she drank, she aimed to get as drunk as possible and stay that way; so of course she had horrible hangovers but she had yet to throw up. She could definitely hold her liquor, if anything.

The blackout bothered her; she aimed for drunkenness maybe four times a year and had never blacked out before. She heaved a sigh, knowing what was coming when he woke up. At least she had woken up before he did. He then flopped over, mumbling in his sleep. She quietly got up and dressed. She found a shower somehow and her extra pair of clothes she kept in her car. She tanked all her Godly Patrons that she had a nice blue turtleneck in it and a first aid kid. There were indeed bites and Muds had drawn blood. She was somehow on time when she got into the studio. "Thank God, I thought you might have done something you'd regret. Did you drive yourself home? Carol looked tense but relieved.

Ame massaged her temples and didn't smile. "I didn't drive but I did _something_, alright. It's a shame I don't remember what."

Carol stared at her wide-eyed. "You're not telling me that you-"

"-screwed the bassist of Gorillaz? Why yes I did. Or at least that's what I figured from the evidence. It's a goddamn shame that I can't remember jack sht. She was dripping sarcasm.

"Well then-I suppose those two girls were underage. Christ, Ame-I'd rather sleep with 2-friggin-D and I'm gay!"

"2D is a nancy; it wouldn't be much of a stretch." Ame replied acidly.

"What evidence, by the way?"

Ame favored Carol with silence and a stony glare and continued the silent treatment until the band got there. Murdoc was hung-over and complaining-nothing special about that-but what he was complaining about made both Carol and Ame look like they swallowed vinegar. "... I mean-I don't get it. I have the greatest sex I have ever had and the wildest night I ever had with a single girl and I can't remember her face or her name. Just the color of her eyes and a lot of girls have blue eyes for bloody fcking sake! She disappeared on me before I woke up."

Carol shot a look at Ame, who had eyes of a vivid shade of blue I've got a bad feeling about this." She swore quietly. She would talk to Russel soon enough, anyway.

It was when a break was called that Carol got her chance. Ame looked like she was walking on eggshells, trying not to react. The deeply shaken girl elected to smoke half a pack of cigarettes and Carol had never seen her smoke before. "Russ, I need to talk with you about last night." She grabbed his shoulder to get his attention.

"What do you need?" He turned around.

Carol checked the room. Ame had taken off to cool down and Carol didn't blame her; she _could_, but she didn't. "I think- no, I know-" she corrected herself, "that the blue-eyed succubus that blew Murdoc away in the sack was Ame. Both of them were probably close to alcohol poisoning and neither of them have a clear memory of last night. Unless Ame admits it was her, not a word goes to Murdoc. It's because of her that he won't be guilty of consorting with minors."

Russel thought about it. "Yeah. I'll keep that to myself but I hope he doesn't fire her if he finds out. His philosophy on girls is basically 'use 'em and lose 'em' except with Noodle; if he cares about anyone, it's gotta be Noodle. I won't say anything, don't worry." He assured her.

"Thanks, Russ."

It seemed that afterwards things went pretty normal. Ame was clearly tense and didn't smile or make her usual smart alec comments but nobody seemed to notice except Carol. She had become as miserable as Murdoc and Carol couldn't take a grumpy Ame for much longer. One Murdoc was quite enough!

She prayed silently that the girl would blab soon; but Ame wasn't the one to inform Murdoc-he figured it out on his own.

Next: Game of Relation


End file.
